My paperback version of my book is out today. I woke up anxious to tell the news when I heard a loud crash. A tree had fallen, wrapping itself with the telephone wire and blocking the road right outside my driveway. My internet still worked but I knew I had only minutes to share my good news.
I rushed to the sink to make a cup of coffee and realized there was no water. What? No morning coffee? I dashed to the window just to reaffirm frogs and pestilence were not loitering on my terrace. Surely, judgement day had come.
With the threat of boils and lice dropping in by midday, I announced my paperback to the world via Facebook. I then went through a caffeine withdrawal which looked a lot like the shower scene in Silkwood.
When I logged back onto Amazon, I was happy to see I was number one in my category. Surprisingly, I also made number 45 in the Occult division as well. (Calm down mom, I haven’t spray painted any pentagrams on my wall. It is a rental you know.)
Good news is I am ranked above Wicca For Beginners but took a heavy beating by The Kitchen Witch Glossary of Cooking Herbs. Now, let me just preface this by saying I have nothing against witches for any of you out there ready to send me hate mail. I’ve always thought a cauldron was an excellent way to prepare large meals. And don’t get me started on how cool I think it would be to cast a few spells on some ex-boyfriends (preferably ones that cause hairy backs and receding gum lines). But sadly, my happy book about quitting my job and moving to Costa Rica just doesn’t have what it takes to be in such awesome company.
So maybe today was not Judgement Day. Just another day tackling unreliable utilities and fallen trees. Now I will have to spend all weekend trying to resolve this category issue. The beginning of that email will start something like this:
Sorry Amazon, I’m too cute to worship the devil. But I do hear hoofs for feet will be in fashion this fall season, so it is quite tempting.