COSTA RICA HEALTH CARE: THE SURGERY CONSULT (CONT)

Costa Rica Cost Of Living Update: 8 ounce package of imported mushrooms-$6

After a couple hours of waiting on the side of the road, a woman dressed in white scrubs opened the gate and we all filed in. We started forming a line directly in front of the reception window.  I glanced at a piece of paper taped to the wall which said the doctor would only see six people today. Our lack of Spanish made it difficult to understand why there were 35 people sitting here totally unfazed by this news.

“That can’t be right,” I told Rob. “What doctor treats six people a day?” I pointed to the sign and asked the person in front of me if that was true. The woman nods her head in agreement. “That sucks, there are already six people in front of us.”

“I don’t care, I’m not going anywhere. We’ve been through stuff like this a dozen times. You can’t give up right away,” said Rob. And he is right. It’s amazing how often I want to wave the white flag. But people immediately like my husband and hopefully the doctor remembers she told him to come back today.

We waited on line for another hour until the receptionist propped open the window and took everyone’s name. The doctor was nowhere in sight so we all sat on long wooden benches under the aluminum covered patio. I could already feel the cool morning air lift; the heat of the day taking its place. It was going to be a scorcher.

One hour passed…then two…then four. I tried sitting on the bench, only to get sore, then stood for a couple hours. In the end, I decided that sitting along the side of the road was the most comfortable spot for me. As we were all waiting, a delightful older man entertained the crowd with a stand-up routine. I did not get the jokes, but judging by the audience reaction, he was a Costa Rican Chris Rock.

After five hours, Rob talked to the receptionist to remind her we were still waiting.  She smiled and nodded her head.  Meanwhile, a man rode up on his scooter with a large, padlocked container secured to the back.  He reached into it, grabbed multiple boxes,
and walked into the clinic. I watched as a window on the other side of the building opened. A bunch of people walked up and waited in that line.

“Should we be on that line too?” I questioned Rob. Times like this made me feel like an awkward 6th grader waiting to be picked for dodge ball.  It turned out he was the pharmacist and most of the people waiting were here for their monthly supply of
medications.

As each person approached the window, small talk ensued with the pharmacist. Everything in Costa Rica is centered around community interaction. The pharmacist spent time with each client before giving out their medication. All the pills come in sealed strips; he never had to count individual tablets into a bottle.

This continued until a pretty girl was next in line. My friendly pharmacist quickly transformed into Antonio Banderas. I’ve seen this before, how fast the Latino men slide their hands into their thick black hair while laughing at something an attractive woman says— they all take on the seductive voice and mannerisms of the actor. The girl blushed, took her bag, and throws a kiss back to the man.  I told Rob he better turn on the charm for the doctor. Antonio might be out of his reach, but he can do a pretty good Vinnie Barbarino in Welcome Back Carter. Unfortunately, I think that makes me Horshack.

Finally, after six hours Rob talked with the receptionist again. He leaned in and chatted it up with the lady, making funny faces, and doing a John Travolta imitation that could had landed him a Golden Globe. The lady giggled and waved us through to see the doctor.

While in the doctor’s office, Rob described his injury, using a uniquely patented combination of Spanish and charades. He goes into a performance of a bodybuilder, flexing his muscles, doing squats, before reaching his groin and making a face that looks less like a man who ripped open a hernia but more like someone who’s mildly constipated. The doctor leaned back in her chair and watched as he repeated his performance, sometimes doing lunges, while other moments doing shoulder presses. All dramatically concluded with him grabbing his gut.

The doctor wrote some notes (probably a grocery list), and told Rob to stand and take down his shorts. One would assume Rob would have prepared himself for this but his eyes bolt out of his head like he’s been electrocuted.

“What…okay…but….”

“For Christ sake Rob, drop your shorts,” I chimed in.

Rob pulled them down and I watched as the doctor gave him the cough and squeeze test. Once again, dodge ball comes to mind while I watched her aggressively fondling my husband. She nodded her head. We were right—apparently, my husband’s nuts are broken and he needs to have hernia surgery.   She wrote a script for us to see a specialist at Nicoya Hospital but we had to go there in person to make the appointment. The hospital was over an hour away. It had been a long day but we head out, knowing the system takes a long time and we wanted to try to get the ball-no pun intended-rolling.

It’s a beautiful day in Costa Rica and I tried to stay upbeat as we drove to the hospital. “You looked a little nervous in her office. If you had any idea the indignities woman go through when they have to see a doctor. What was the big deal?”

“It was weird. She was all over me, digging in there, I didn’t expect that. Did you think it looked okay?”

“What looked okay?”

“My stuff, it was really cold in there.”

“You can’t be serious? Yes, it looked okay. And she wasn’t all over you, she did an EXAM. She’s a doctor Rob, not a blind date.”

“Just making sure.”

It’s comforting that even with the fear of going under the knife, my husband wants to make sure he is looking his best at all times.

The hospital initially looked beautiful. Palm trees swayed in the breeze making a nice first impression. We walked into an area that was completely empty except for one woman behind a computer. There was no AC and it had that open air feeling you get everywhere you go in Costa Rica. However, as nice as it looked on the outside, the inside looked worn and dark. The walls were covered in chipped paint—it did not install confidence.  We showed her our script and she scribbled down an appointment for two weeks.

“Not so bad,” said Rob. “I thought we would have to wait months for an appointment.” It was a little too easy, which became evident when we returned for the appointment and the place was standing room only. At least seventy five people were waiting to see the doctor.

A receptionist, busy putting on a hefty layer of black mascara, instructed us to go to another office to get our file made. Her careful application of makeup would suggest she had a considerable amount of time on her hands, and perhaps she could make the file herself. But, like always, no one asked my opinion.

When we returned with our manila file, we found two open seats.  There were five doors in front of us for different categories of care. One looked like it is an OB-GYN doctor,
whereas another one treated the elderly. The door we were watching was for surgical consults. I stared at it nervously, hoping not to miss it when they called my husband’s name.

It always amazes me how calm and patient Costa Ricans are. In this hot and inhospitable environment, we all waited our turn. There was no television to watch or any magazines to read. We just sat there. The only diversions were the vendors selling candy and popcorn that were balanced on their heads. It was as if we were all waiting for a matinee to start. Sadly, that wasn’t going to happen.

After three hours, we heard a nurse shout ROBERTO. I was so excited they didn’t
forget about us! We entered the room and met a short roly-poly doctor. He asked
Rob numerous health related questions, some in Spanish, while others in
English. He gave him the cough and grab test, much more gentle than the
previous female doctor. He was almost romantic in his approach. I wanted to dim
the lights and give them some privacy.

“Si, you need surgery,” he said as he opened the desk drawer and whipped out a Winnie the Pooh notebook. He opens it up and scheduled Rob’s surgery.

In the.

Winnie the Pooh.

Notebook.

I tried not to be judgmental. I’ve lived here long enough to keep an open mind but having a major surgery scheduled in a notebook with Piglet and Eeyore on the cover did nothing to ease my fear of Rob getting cut open in a foreign hospital.  However, I looked on the bright side, at least he didn’t write down the appointment with a glitter pen.

“I can’t believe we have a date set in three weeks. I was under the impression I’d have to wait at least six months. It’s all going to work out.” Rob said as we left the hospital.

I, in turn, made a mental note to buy the doctor an appointment book that was not adorned with Disney characters.

(Don’t miss the last installment…does it work out?  Does Rob walk out of the hospital? Check back and find out.)

By | 2018-04-15T18:19:38-04:00 August 8th, 2011|Categories: Cost of Living|Tags: , , |26 Comments

About the Author:

Nadine is the author of the best-selling series, Happier Than A Billionaire. Join her as she navigates living as an expat in the sometimes confusing, always beautiful, country of Costa Rica.

26 Comments

  1. Jennifer Beasley July 2, 2017 at 12:38 pm - Reply

    I love reading about your adventures! Looking forward to your new book! We are planning our trip before the end of the year and are planning on moving next September! Thank you for the inspiration!

  2. Ken Mullis July 1, 2017 at 10:20 am - Reply

    I have had this exact same surgery done 5 months ago in Grecia I needed to jump through some of the same hoops and the same language problems. The surgery was done in one day and I was sent home. In the next few days my “junk” swelled to the size and color of an eggplant so I needed to return to the emergency room for a 7 day hospital stay. During the final exam by the surgeon he found another herenia and scheduled another appointment for surgery on this on. I have been waiting to hear from them for my next time. One thing I will say is sitting outside on the curb is cooler in Grecia.

  3. Taylor November 21, 2011 at 1:19 am - Reply

    Nadine,

    I came back to read part two of Rob’s and your health care “adventure” after having read all three parts, and, while I once again must give you kudos for your gifts as a “raconteuse,” I would like to mention a couple of things that happened in the story that troubled me.

    The first was that you had to wait six (6!) hours to be seen. That seems horrifying, though perhaps if you’d gone to an emergency room in the states if you’d have had to wait just as long.

    The second thing was that you ended up having to take off Rob’s bandaging, something that–if I understood correctly–someone at the hospital was supposed to do. While I’m glad Rob seemed to have gotten the care he needed as far as the surgery went, it sounds like some other areas of his health care were kind of spotty. Wonder what your perspective is now that it’s over. Thanks.

    • admin November 21, 2011 at 9:25 am - Reply

      It was definitely the biggest adventure down here so far. I wrote more about it in my next book, so maybe I need to clarify a few things. Rob’s hernia was not considered an emergency, so we were never in an emergency room. We went to the local clinic, then got a referral to the hospital to see the surgeon. We did have to wait a while, but I can’t say what the wait would be like at an emergency room.

      I know in the states we did have an emergency and waited there for 5 hours. I think that maybe health care systems are strapped everywhere.

      As for the bandage, we probably should have gone back to the clinic in town, and waited to have them take the stitches out. Remember, my Spanish is shotty, and medical Spanish is even harder for me. So I”m sure if I understood the language better, I might have facilitated a better result. I’m lucky that I have a friend that was a nurse who gave me instuctions on how to do it.

      My overall impressions were good. My husband got a surgery at no cost (only $50/month for complete coverage), did not have any infection, and is slowly getting back on his feet. I like living in a country where everyone has access to a doctor and medical care. It would have been nice to have more of the comforts of an American hospital; curtains, toilet paper, soap, etc. And you do have that option down here, there are American style hospitals you have to pay for, less money than in the states but more than going to the free public hospitals.

      I’m sure there are bad stories out there. I can only talk about my own experience and be as truthful as possible. I don’t want to mislead anyone about living down here. You have to let go of a lot of expectations. And if you can comfortably do that you are more likely to make it.

      • Taylor December 9, 2011 at 6:44 pm - Reply

        Thanks for your further comments, Nadine. (‘Sorry I’m late in responding, my computer has been on the “fritz.” )

        I noticed you mentioned your “next” book. I definitely look forward to reading it. 🙂

        Taylor

        • admin December 10, 2011 at 7:19 am - Reply

          Thanks, working on it, sharing more funny stories down here. And with my husband around, it’s never ending material.

  4. Cody Gear August 14, 2011 at 11:49 am - Reply

    As you are already aware there are wonderful opportunities here and a life style that most back in the States would envy. However, there are those who come here ill prepared to deal with the seemingly never ending attempts to take advantage of people by selling them property they don’t own and other scams. I am in the business of helping people who find themselves in these situations. If you know of some one that has fell victim to such schemes, please pass my information on to them. Perhaps I can help.

    • admin August 15, 2011 at 7:30 pm - Reply

      I will pass on the info, thanks.

  5. Joe August 12, 2011 at 11:43 pm - Reply

    “We were right—apparently, my husband’s nuts are broken…”
    Priceless shock value! I busted out laughing, then looked to see if anyone was around.

    Hoping to be there next year, D.v.

    • admin August 13, 2011 at 7:58 pm - Reply

      I am happy to provide laughter at my husband’s expense. Glad you found my site.

    • admin August 13, 2011 at 7:58 pm - Reply

      I am happy to provide laughter at my husband’s expense. Glad you found my site.

  6. marlene paul August 12, 2011 at 5:38 pm - Reply

    lots of luck to your poor hubby and his junk.

    • admin August 12, 2011 at 8:13 pm - Reply

      I get one more story to write about his junk, and after that he has made me swear never to write about it again.

      But you never know….

      • marlene paul August 13, 2011 at 4:39 pm - Reply

        We are so waiting for the house to sell here, so we can begin our adventure in CR. Pura Vida has a whole new meaning once you have experienced it. The people are gentle, I think that is the best word I can come up with.

        • admin August 13, 2011 at 8:08 pm - Reply

          Accurately put. There is a softness here. I often say that my harsh edges have been sanded down. Costa Rica is a great place to slow down and smell the roses. And a place to remember to be kind to one another.

  7. Dan August 12, 2011 at 1:19 pm - Reply

    How does one qualify for Health Coverage in Costa Rica? And more specifically, how do you? Thanks.

    • admin August 12, 2011 at 2:29 pm - Reply

      Once you are a resident, that’s when you can apply for health care. I believe you used to be able to do it years ago without residency but that has changed.

      Lots of people who are not on the government plan just pay out of pocket. There are specific hospitals that cater to cash only patients. They use the same doctors as the government system uses.

      The health care is ranked very high down here. Lots of people come for surgeries (not only plastic surgery….although it is not unual so see plenty of that). Also, lots of dental work performed here. All the gringos have Hollywood smile. Seriously, I’ve never seen such good teeth until I moved here.

  8. Alanna August 11, 2011 at 2:57 pm - Reply

    This made me laugh for more than reason. I’ve also done the charades act at the doctor. In Japan I would point and say the Japanese children’s word for “ouch”.

    • admin August 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm - Reply

      I think we’ve mastered charades. My husband is great at explaining practically anything now with his hands.

  9. Erin in Costa Rica August 10, 2011 at 11:38 pm - Reply

    The cartoon character decorations/items seem to be a theme. At our docs, the patient tables (what are those things called? gurneys?) are covered in Disney sheets with mismatching pillows. And no, they are not changed for each new patient.
    Can’t wait to hear what happens next!

    • admin August 11, 2011 at 2:47 pm - Reply

      It was a funny detail. Can’t say I ever seen that before. But who wouldn’t like Winnie the Pooh?

  10. Nadine August 8, 2011 at 5:46 pm - Reply

    A doctor writing in a Winnie the Pooh notebook makes me feel like I should be judged less for loving Hello Kitty at my age.

    Can’t wait for the thrilling conclusion of the story of your husband’s junk.

  11. Melissa Hall August 8, 2011 at 1:50 pm - Reply

    On one of our trips to Costa Rica, my daughter seriously injured her foot. We were at a hotel in San Jose, and the concierge called an ambulance. It showed up almost immediately with a doctor and a paramedic. They treated her right there in the hotel, and told us to go to a clinic in 3 days. We went to the Social Security clinic in Santa Elena 3 days later, and the doctor redressed her foot and gave her some antibiotics. He told us to come back in 3 days, which we did. This time the doctor was a Costa Rican who did his residency at the teaching hospital where I work in the U.S.! He had gone to medical school at Johns Hopkins. He said he was happy to work as a doctor in Costa Rica, and is very proud medical system there.
    We didn’t pay a dime for the excellent medical care my daughter received there.

    I loved your book. I read it in Costa Rica, and laughed til I cried. I can’t wait to see how Rob’s surgery adventure unfolds. I hope he’s feeling better!

    • admin August 8, 2011 at 4:54 pm - Reply

      I’m glad you had a positive expereince here. It is different, but then again, if it was the same as in the states this surgery would have cost me $20,000.

      I’m working on another book and hope that one too makes you “laugh til you cried”. But it all depends how much I can keep saying about my poor husband, who now has to endure me writing about this nuts. Poor Rob.

  12. Tom Duffy August 8, 2011 at 11:50 am - Reply

    Great story so far. can’t wait to hear how it ends. Rob’s reaction is typical to all males. We want our ” junk” to look good at all time, that is why we are constantly rearrainging it. LOL. Was this all within the CAJA system, or did you have out of pocket expenses?

    • admin August 8, 2011 at 4:51 pm - Reply

      This is all through the CAJA system. We didn’t pay a dime. As for his junk, he will definitely be happy when I stop writing about it.

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