Results May Vary: The Matrix of Renewing Your Driver’s License

Costa Rica Driver's LicenseCosta Rica Cost of Living Update: Renew Driver’s License—$12

Imagine you’re Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. You swallow the red pill (the painful truth of reality), get shot out of a pod, and find yourself in an unfamiliar world. That’s what Costa Rica motor vehicles is like.

Rob and I have to renew our driver licenses once again, which in itself doesn’t seem like a difficult endeavor. “What can possibly go wrong?” you ask. The problem lies in the fact that I received my first license way before I got residency (you are no longer able to do that now). Consequently, the number on my license does not match the number on my residency card. This is a problem I need to rectify in San Jose. Renewing my license is starting to look like a Mission to Mars, an assignment that will ultimately have me careening back to earth in a fiery display of aggravation.

My husband should not have this problem because he went through this two years ago when he lost his license. (You may have read about his matrix experience at Costa Rica DMV in The Costa Rica Escape Manual). In that escapade, they demanded he go all the way to San Jose to fix it because they had never put his license number in the computer. But after a couple of hours, Rob was able to convince someone in Liberia to give him a new one. However, this is Rob. People generally like Rob. He’s cultivated a laid back attitude that makes others comfortable around him. I tend to emit a force field of anxiety: It’ll inadvertently zap you if you get too close.

Even though the consensus is that I can not renew my license in Liberia, my husband insists we give it a shot. I’m hopeful but know how this will probably end: me driving five hours to San Jose only to find the motor vehicle building has moved, or is on lunch hour, or is closed for two weeks honoring the patron saint of patience.

But before I can even think about going to motor vehicles, I have to receive a medical exam to certify that I’m capable of remembering my name and staying awake during questioning. These are the type of exams I excel at.

While speaking with the physician, who is profoundly over qualified for determining if I can sit at a 90 degree angle, I start to bemoan my dilemma.

“It’s not just you,” the doctor says. “After I graduated, I needed to go to many government buildings in order to get papers stamped, then back to others for more stamps. Ultimately, I ended up at one office that couldn’t find my name in the computer, and I had to start all over again. It was maddening.”

It makes me feel better knowing a Costa Rican orthopedic trauma surgeon also wrestles with bureaucratic red tape. He will save someone’s leg one day, I’m lucky if I can come up with a good fart joke.

After getting my exam in one building and paying a license renewal fee at the bank (you never pay fees at a government building), Rob and I are finally off to motor vehicles. An hour’s drive later, we find ourselves leaning on a chain link fence outside with the rest of the refugees before a big, barrel chested guard personally escorts us inside. It’s like a red carpet for the beleaguered.

From here on out, I plaster a smile on my face even while staring at a wall. When dealing  with Costa Rican bureaucracy, I’ve learned to be a mix of agreeable and stupid at the same time. A woman immediately grins at Rob and escorts him into a room. She tells me I have to wait for the boss. I know what’s coming.

The boss arrives and takes me inside his office. He shuffles papers around, prints out a few documents, and makes me sign my name in a big, blank composition book. There are always these books in government offices, which makes me believe they are in cahoots with the ACME composition book industry. I dutifully sign my name, wonder if it will ever make it into the computer, and are then instructed to wait for the woman in the hallway.

Rob exits the room and the lady invites me inside. She instructs me to sit in front of the camera. She doesn’t even have to ask me to smile since I’m still wearing a dumb grin on my face which is now causing facial cramps. She takes the picture and tells me that she had to take four snapshots of my husband.

“His eyes were closed, duh. Then I take another picture and he blinks. Duh,” she laughs. I’ve never heard a Costa Rican use the vernacular “duh” before, which makes me perk up and immediately chime in until we both agree he is an imbecile. I’m not particularly proud of this, but I’m not going to screw this moment up by defending my eyelid-challenged husband. We both continue laughing while I hear the sweet sounds of a printer.

So this story triumphantly ends with me renewing my license here in Liberia, confirming  results may vary when living in Costa Rica. Things are always changing in this country and these tiny details may or may not be getting easier. Perhaps being happy here is more about swallowing the blue matrix pill (blissful ignorance), and having a better attitude when dealing with these situations.

I’m learning that the pura vida way of life is a combination of both: staying blissful while keeping one foot in reality. It’s a balancing act that can become exhausting and may require you to keep a smile plastered across your face for an inordinate amount of time, but in the end it always works out.

Duh. I should have known it would.

By | 2018-04-15T18:19:15-04:00 March 18th, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , |19 Comments

About the Author:

Nadine is the author of the best-selling series, Happier Than A Billionaire. Join her as she navigates living as an expat in the sometimes confusing, always beautiful, country of Costa Rica.

19 Comments

  1. marlene paul April 4, 2016 at 2:30 pm - Reply

    Love the article and everything you say is so true. We are here 4 years and still learn new things weekly. It is a never ending, ever changing world of silly ratrace at times, but, that blue pill does help!!! Pura Vida!
    Marlene

    • Nadine Hays Pisani April 12, 2016 at 8:57 pm - Reply

      And just when you think you figured something out, they change it on you in Costa Rica! It’s a constant learning experience.

  2. Ashley Breanna March 29, 2016 at 12:32 pm - Reply

    Hey Nadine!

    Love your posts – keep em coming!
    I just did a quick blog post about your books on herheirloom.blogspot.com. I also put them on my Pinterest page. I hope you get some more readers! You deserve it. Your books made me laugh the whole way through. You have an awesome sense of humor.
    Hope to see you on Goodreads soon? It would be awesome to see you on there!

    Thanks,
    Ashley
    Your Minnesotan Fan

    • Ashley Breanna April 1, 2016 at 1:47 pm - Reply

      4/1/16 : I just finished the Sequel & when I read the part about the monkeys, I literally had tears in my eyes. I am so happy for you & I cannot wait for a “threequel.” This world is wonderful, isn’t it?! Happy trails,
      Ash

      • Nadine Hays Pisani April 12, 2016 at 8:56 pm - Reply

        I’m still a little ticked that my husband didn’t defend me to the monkey guy and his sexy monkey wife. But I did get them over to my side!

    • Nadine Hays Pisani April 12, 2016 at 8:56 pm - Reply

      Hi Ashley! Thanks so much for your sweet remarks. And a big shout out to Minnesota!!

  3. Donna March 24, 2016 at 8:29 pm - Reply

    Hi Nadine, I absolutely love your books and am so happy to find your blogs. I’m 62 years old, my husband is 60. Personality wise I can really relate to you, and my husband seems so much like Rob! Husband is an engineer and very intelligent, but when it comes to common sense….well he’s totally out to lunch. And talking about farts – well I had gastric bypass quite a few years ago and I can turn the walls green. Poor hubby keeps a can of perfumed spray at the head of our bed. I love your bluntness and your jokes. Keep up the great work, and screw the people that give your books low ratings – they obviously don’t have a sense of humor. We are coming to Costa Rica for three weeks in May and are looking forward to our trip very much. If all goes well, Costa Rica will end up being our new home within a few short years.
    Happy Blogging!
    Donna

    • Nadine Hays Pisani April 12, 2016 at 8:54 pm - Reply

      Hi Donna, thanks so much for the kind words. Costa Rica is a magical place, and I’m sure it will sprinkle some of that golden dust on you.

  4. Aubrey (@highheeledlove) March 23, 2016 at 2:48 pm - Reply

    I believe that “stay blissful while keeping one foot in reality” will be my new mantra. Glad that you didn’t have to jump through too many hoops to get your license renewed.

    • Nadine Hays Pisani April 12, 2016 at 8:53 pm - Reply

      I need to remember it as well, especially when I’m faced with another situation like this one. Some things do go smoothly here!

  5. Ronald March 21, 2016 at 1:43 pm - Reply

    Very funny article. Great attitude. I wasn’t able to have the same attitude being a costarican at the New York DMV. The multiple episodes days long experience had me longing for a 5 hour drive –wait not even– a 5 hour standing bus ride in a non ac equipped smelly bus from Liberia to San Jose in the middle of the dry season.

    • Nadine Hays Pisani March 21, 2016 at 2:10 pm - Reply

      I wonder if every motor vehicles around the world is like this? Like New Zealand, what is it like there? Or Denmark, it seems like everything is easier in Denmark.

      Or maybe motor vehicles is a dark abyss in every country, terrorizing it’s citizens with bad lighting and inadequate parking.

  6. Vik March 21, 2016 at 12:34 pm - Reply

    I’m Costa Rican, I moved to Texas 2 years ago and funny fact is that I went trough the license process here in the US and I can tell that there is NO difference in the traumatic experience and long journey to get it done. Glad I had the Pura Vida DNA which kept me positive all the way…

    Pura vida is not about faking smiles, but living it from within!

    • Nadine Hays Pisani March 21, 2016 at 1:41 pm - Reply

      So true Vik. Motor vehicles sends a chill down every American’s back. No one wants to go, although it is a lot better than years ago. For all my anxiety, I renewed my license and it all worked out in the end. When I lived in Grecia, traveling to San Jose was just a hassle. Now that I’m 5 hours away, it’s a real pain (especially when you are trying to build a house). But this was a good lesson, and just proves that I need to chill out and remember the pura vida is alive and well inside me.

    • Gil March 22, 2016 at 2:20 pm - Reply

      Vik where in Texas my wife is from Pura Vida country too?

  7. Ann Ellison March 19, 2016 at 3:23 pm - Reply

    Always reading about your adventures. Thanks for sharing and giving your readers a chuckle.

    • Nadine Hays Pisani March 20, 2016 at 9:34 am - Reply

      Thanks Ann. It’s like I’m Pavlov’s dog, so accustomed to things taking days, or even weeks, to accomplish. But then this happens, and I look around thinking, “This is the most magical place on earth to live.”

  8. Cheryl Elferis March 18, 2016 at 11:19 am - Reply

    Nice to read about your experiences in Liberia. So many blogs are from expats in other parts of the country. We will be living in Junquillal so your information is helpful. Thanks.

    • Nadine Hays Pisani March 18, 2016 at 2:29 pm - Reply

      I seriously can’t believe it worked out Cheryl. After dealing with these kinds of things for years, I honestly thought I was going to have to drive back to San Jose!

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